So Rose is correct in her assiertation that your dreams are really not that interesting to others.  It is true and normally I would adhere to her philosophy.  But.  Sometimes a dream comes along that is so real, so vivid, so detailed that it sticks with you for the day.  Makes you think about it over and over, makes you wonder what you ate before bed that inspired such a dream.  I had one of those the other day, and since it’s my blog, I’m gonna tell you all about it and hope that you can psycoanalize me and tell me what it ment.

So, scene opens Playboy mansion and I am the new 4th “girl next door”. ( mind you I am not thin, blonde at the momment, or inclined tobe attracted to my great grandfather’s contemporaries- but it is dream world and I didn’t have the sense that I would have to do the Cialis Cha Cha with Heff – so I was safe).

It is one of those theme parties that Brigid loves sooooo much.  Clearly it must have been my idea because it is a preppy/republican convention theme.  Pink and green polo’s abound.  Golf is the favorite party game.  Button down shirts, chinos, and penny loafers everywhere.  It is too cute, but I get the sense that I am an undercover “girl next door” and that I may have betrayed my covert position by pushing the conservative theme.                              

                                  My Favorite female spys

 Of course the other “girls” Holly, Brigid, and Kendra have skanked up their interpritations of appropriate costumes and there is plenty of mammory tissue and crotch floss to feast the eyes upon.  Regardless, the party continues and at some point Kendra (  her super hero moniker would be “deer in the headlights girl” ) is insulted by something I said about/toHolly.  I am sure I have not done this inbtentionally, but when Brigid chimes in that it may have been a little harsh on my part, I am kissing ass to assure Holly I was misunderstood, cause you do NOT want to piss off the Queen Bee.  I have the sense that Heff is a bit perturbed by my actions and will that jepordize my secret mission inside the formitable Heff Skank clan? Oh no.  I will eventually get back at that simpleton Kendra, but more on that in a minute. ( this is where I sing to myself her theme music ” ’tis a gift to be simple ’tis a gift to be . . .”)

Flash forward to bed time, which to my relief if not in Heff’s room, but rather in a well decorated connecting room sort of dorm arrangement.  As I was shown the rooms, the mansion butler assured me the rooms for my son and daughter had been freshly painted with eco friendly non petrolium based wall paints.  Why they were there I haven’t a clue, what kind of secret operative takes her kids to work with her I don’t know.  Clearly I suck at my job.  After that very brief diversion, I return focus to the room where Holly will be sleeping, as she is getting into the fresh peach colored sheets.  OMG she is stung by a scorpion.  I rush to her aid and as Heff reaches her side, I am appling a tournacate just above the bite to, as I tell everyone milling around, STOP THE PROGRESSION OF VENOM INTO THE REST OF HER BLOOD STREAM.  Quickly I tell Brigid Realboobs to CALL 911 NOW.  Heff stands around useless but concerned about his one true love.  And here is were Kendra gets hers – I order simpleton to CATCH THE SCORPION IN A GLASS, because the doctors at the regional snake and venomous animal clinic will need to evaluate the size and species of scorpion to accuratly treat the befelled Holly.  Apparently I am sending her to a vet, I don’t know.  Kendra has to catch a scorpion that already bit Holly ( not the first time she has had Holly’s sloppy seconds I laugh to myself) and I secretly glee in her dangerous job. HE HE HE.   Heff is impressed at my calm and skill in the situation and more than alittle grateful that I have saved the soon to be next former Mrs. Hefner ( cause she is totally gonna Anna Nichole/ Howard Marshell it when Heff is in geriatric diapers). Unfortunatlly for whatever rogue governmnet agency or forgien power I work with, I have blown my cover, they all see me for the spy I am, and are disappointed and feel used ( which is a feeling none of those girls has ever had I am sure).  Heff reminds them that the important thing is that Holly has been saved and he lets me leave without being killed?!  And I swear I then saw Brigid and Kendra roll their eyes. 

So no more sourkraut before bed for sure, but what does all this mean?